Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Continuing my fearful countdown for the Spooktacular giveaway

How does it work? Well, all you need to know is on the right underneath the logo.
Be sure to scroll down for the hints to the #1 thing that scares the (expletive of your choice) out of me...

And in the spirit of the season (and, well, because I have no social life and nothing better to do), we continue. Scroll on down for numbers 9 and 10...

Top Ten Things that Scare the Bleep Out of Me....

8. Ventriloqust dummies…such as Jeff Dunham’s Walter or Peanut

(kewpie dolls, creepy dolls, and the like)

Surprisingly though, not clowns. I don’t particularly LIKE clowns, but they don’t really creep me out like they do my sister. But “dummies” or any dolls that look cutesy and TALK…well, that’s just strange. They act human. Some of them look human. Some look VERY human. But something just isn’t quite there.

 Maybe that’s why I’ve never been able to really get into Jeff Dunham, though my friends tell me I’d love his humor. Peanut isn’t some cute purplely-muppet-thing. He’s scary. He’s going to snap my neck when I’mnot looking. Want to know where his other shoe is? He shoved it down someone’s throat and killed them….

Disclaimer #2--- like Mr. Saget (see #10) I’m sure Mr. Dunham and Mr. Peanut pay their taxes, take out the trash and are good citizens. But that doesn’t mean I want to invite them over for dinner.

But only some puppets freak me out. Go figure.

Miss Piggy = not scary (can’t say why….maybe it’s the overdone mascara? Hard to be afraid of anything with that much mascara)

King Friday from Mr. Roger’s neighborhood= SCARY

Grover from Sesame Street = Meh

Those realistic-looking American Girl-type dolls you can get that look exactly like you = VERY SCARY.

Any psychology majors out there want to take a crack at why?

Seems like when I was little (4 or 5) there was a movie on TV about a voo doo/African doll that came to life and chased its owner around with a spear and knife (This was the early 70s, so I’m sure it was all very politically incorrect and racially insensitive, so my apologies there---I'm just the messenger).

 I vividly remember her having to throw the thing into the oven and even then it about came out, on fire, trying to get her. I didn’t sleep well that night. I had to be reassured that those dolls were not sold in stores. Somewhere deep down inside, I was afraid that maybe Santa would mess up, get my list confused with someone else’s, and put that doll in my stocking one year.

Since then, any doll / toy / thing that seemed to have human characteristics always caused me to freak out.

Except the bionic woman. She was cool.

But if you really want to go back to one of the earlier –and in my opinion--- best version of creepy toys, I say look no farther than Rod Searling’s twilight Zone and Talking Tina. I think this is still incredibly effective because it’s understated. Granted, I first saw this episode when I was in seventh grade, and it scared the poo out of me, but I think it is still chilling because of it requires a lot of viewer imagination to fill in some blanks. Although by today's scare meter, it is mild, it does make the point that sometimes less is more...
Take a gander below. Twilight Zone. Classic stuff. Still one of my all time faves.

7. Going to the bathroom in strange places

If I have to go to the bathroom on a plane, I'm desperate. I mean, come on. I just know part of my rear end is going to be sucked out into space. I can't go to the bathroom on a bus or train, either. I've tried. I sit down, and then I start wondering, "I wonder how fast we're going? I wonder what city/ state/ we're in? I wonder what would happen if there was a wreck and I was the one caught--literally--with my pants down that like scum lawyer dude who was hiding in the loo in the movie "Jurassic Park"? If this thing came to a sudden stop, would the laws of physics dictate that my pee is traveling at the same rate of the train?

Once, when I was in  England  (lovely country, btw. I LOVE the BRITS), I was with travel buddies L and G on the train from Manchester to Birmingham when nature called. Now, I had to cross to the next car where the bathroom was. No problem, right? I can handle this.

I open the door, and while it was a nice, simple walkway, I was very conscious of how fast we were going and then the whole thing turned into a scene from  "Lord of the Rings." Suddenly, I didn't have to go anymore.

This is why they call us Ugly Americans, I guess.

Tune in tomorrow for more, but in the meantime --- check out other way cool blogs on the linky link list by clicking here.... 

No comments: