Monday, April 4, 2016

If the Political Candidates Were Downton Abbey Characters

No, it's not Downton Abbey. You know, that copyright thing.
Millions of Americans recently bid farewell to the Crawley family, and while we said goodbye to one period drama, we're still stuck in the middle of the political drama race to the White House. The presidential candidates and Downton Abbey characters have a lot in common. We've matched them with their counterparts, as well as some reasons you should (or should not) vote for them.

Hillary Clinton:
Violet Crawley
Why? She's been playing this game longer than anyone realizes, which is why she's able to get stuff done. When she can't, she will send a zinger when you least expect it, nailing you to a wall. Something warns you that turning your back on her may be the last thing you do.
Pros: Would always get the last word in diplomatic negotiations.
Cons: Would always get the last word in diplomatic negotiations.

Bernie Sanders:
Tom Branson
Why? Revolution! Everyone deserves a chance! Triumph of the middle class! Who cares about your damn emails! Sanders would be right there with Tom, waving signs at the socialist meetings, maybe even marrying into the Crawley family to bring down the system from the inside.
Pros: A good driver.
Cons: Well, that socialist thing.

Ted Cruz:
Lord Grantham
It's not that he's a bad guy, it's just that he's just so much BETTER than you. And he's always right. Except when he isn't. Then he's still right.
Pros: Impeccable taste in dressing gowns.
Cons: Losing half the family fortune.

John Kasich
Dr. Clarkson
Why? You forget he's there, then suddenly he shows up and delivers a life-changing diagnosis that puzzles everyone. When you want to know more, he fades into the background. 
Pros: Definitely who you want around during childbirth.
Cons: How often will he deliver babies at the White House?

Marco Rubio:
Ms. Pattmore
Wait, is he still in the race?  We don't know because he's running around behind the scenes just trying to keep the GOP family together and afloat, making sure everyone thinks the production was effortless, although it was nothing but blood, sweat and tears. 
Pros: Creates a fabulous Crepes Francaise
Cons: Has a bed and breakfast of "ill repute."

Donald Trump:
Lady Mary
Why? Looks great on camera, and despite being mean and spiteful, everyone still likes them. Is able to ruin your life and still somehow convince you that it's all your fault.
Pros: Lots of money, and comes through when the chips are down...eventually.
Cons: Must stay away from Turkish diplomats.

I'm typically an apolitcal person, but with the train wreck that is our recent elections, I'm wondering if, like Edith, the voters will ever be happy.

Of course, Frank Underwood from "House of Cards" could wipe the floor with all of them.