During Valentine’s Day, or the days leading up to it, Facebook is filled with wedding pictures of friends. In response, one of my very clever Facebook friends posted a picture of [and I quote] “Saint Valentine’s M.F. skull.” I give him “writing dangerously” points for creativity and being able to use the words “Saint” and “MF” effectively in the same sentence.
Which begs the question, on St. Valentine’s Day, what do I have to celebrate, as a single, never-been-married, haven’t-had-a-real-date-since-the-Clinton-administration, 39-year-old white female?
Quite a lot, actually.
You see, I’m sometimes hesitant to admit that I LOVE my singleness because people look at me like I’m some kind of freak with two heads. Or they shake their heads and think I’m just in denial. Or putting on an act. Or trying to convince myself. For a long time, I thought they were right. There must be something wrong with me. Why couldn’t I be like those women I admired so much who I saw in church, the picture of the perfect little family? These women would sit front and center with hand-holding husbands, two kids coloring pictures in their Jesus activity books, and holding one of those lime green Bible covers with her initials in bright pink.
Then I realized, it wasn’t that I wanted to be like them---it was that I wanted to want to be like them.
This just shows that we are all created for a purpose, and some are single for a season, and some for a lifetime and some for a whole heck of a lot of seasons. We spend too much time wishing we were in another season, and by doing so, we miss out on the blessings that we have and the things we can do right now. And that philosophy applies to everyone, single and married.
So I’m posting in honor of Feb. 14, fourteen reasons why I’m glad I’m a childless, single female.
1. Bubble baths and good books any time I want them. A Friday night winning combination by anyone’s estimation.
2. Able to drop everything and go on a travel adventure [and actually do it!]
3. Dishes in the sink. For days.
4. Popcorn for breakfast.
5. Non-stop Syfy channel.
6. Sleeping on both sides of the bed. At the same time.
7. Able to volunteer for projects I have a passion for without worrying how the time drain will affect partner/ kids.
8. George Clooney is technically, still single also. Soooo I’m just saying….
9. Getting my hair cut any way I want without worrying that he would rather me let it grow out [Guys—I love to wear my hair long as well, but it is a LOT of maintenance. And sometimes, there’s just other things I’d rather do than mess with my hair] which leads me to…
10. If I’m wearing pants, the legs aren’t shaved. It’s not pretty, but it’s the truth.
11. Able to use my Shake Weight without fear of inappropriate comments.
12. Gives me space to learn more about who I am, how I have changed, and how I am growing.
13. It makes it easier for me to be quiet before God, and ask myself what I should do to please Him and how I can demonstrate His love and compassion to others. Granted, this can be done with a spouse, but even St. Paul recognized that, in his opinion, this is easier to do when single.
14. I am single, but not lonely--- by myself, but not alone. I am blessed beyond my capacity to truly imagine.
Love is not just about the “eros” love, but also about the “phila” brotherly love I share with family and friends, and of course, love also can encompass a deep, spiritual, “agape” love.
Being single has taught me a lot of things I might not have learned otherwise. Of course, I know several women with thoughtful spouses who allow them to do all of the above and more [and I rejoice with them] but I have learned how to be happy in my own skin, how to embrace my artistic eccentricities, and how to truly, truly, see what it is important in life. For me, for whatever reason, that realization was easier to come to while single.
But one thing I think that all my Facebook friends realize---single or married, or single again and married again-
Love doesn't come from Jared's :)
Happy St. Valentine's Day.
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5 comments:
I think you do it well...and I understand completly...and agree.
It's not always about the season as much as it is about understanding the blessing of "the day" we are given. If you don't understand that you have never lost a love one in a split second....or had someone simply walk out of your life.
But to coin last years phrase...It is what it is.
And just for backup...I would never have formed the relationship I have with God if it wasn't for my single quiet time so i could hear His wisper.
Single isn't where I want to be, and single isn't fun...but there are worse places to be....like in the wrong relationship...deep in debt and wondering how to get out. Been there done that...
I am at peace and content !!
Luv you Dawnster
Your fav bobster ;-)
Deep thoughts Bobster. That's why we love you.
I loved being single and after Bryan will be glad to be single again. I enjoy being married but can honestly say that I often miss many of those points of being single. (Though, being an old hippie, I rarely shave my legs even married. :P) I feel so sorry for my single friends who feel pushed to be in a relationship, who feel like they can't be a complete person unless they are sharing their life. Proud of you, my friend! :)
Thanks Gypsi--- I've learned the hard way that it's better to be in no relationship than a dysfunctional one. I think a big part of it was that I was told this "mother of GOD if you are 40 and single your life is OVER" and I wondered why many single friends wanted to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. I'm very thankful that God's given me peace about it (and I confess, when I look at the dishes in the sink, maybe a bit too much peace :))
Love you my dear friend.
D
i like my freedom, so being single is somtimes nice, but at 47 years old, the kids are grown and almost out of the house, it give s my time to myself. I work long hours and live on a farm with too many horses, so i stay pretty busy, but also get lonely, wishing i had someone to share things with... well that led me to look for positive reasons to be single, and that led me to you...you made me laugh with the shake weight comment, being a guy and all. thanks steve
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